Love --------and/or---------- Sex

A very intelligent person asked me today “what is sex for you, a man with three partners?”

My response starts with a reference to an amazingly thought filled and thought provoking book “Eleven Minutes” by author Paulo Coelho.


----------my answer-------------------
When you read “Eleven Minutes” you will be confronted by Mr. Coelho’s discussion highlighting that for some people sex is a means to an end=means to get what they need=means to survive by making money to put a roof over their head and food on their table. For these people sex is a tool and they use it like a tool; something that they use to “earn a living.” Sex as a tool is becomes a duty, it becomes monotonous and un-enjoyable. More on sex later…

I was telling a young couple at a polyamory community potluck dinner the other week that, polyamory is a label we use to describe something that is quite complex. Everyone ‘practices’ their ‘version’ of polyamory different than others. In this practice there is need for a strong sense of self and a healthy self-image because without this it is difficult to love the self, let alone attempt to share love with someone else. When you can find two people who both have a strong sense of self and a healthy self-image there is more possibility for success. These qualities in both individuals are also at the center of successful monogamous relationships, and when it is missing can contribute greatly in those whose marriages fall apart within the first two ears of saying “I Do.” With this building block present as the foundation of monogamous, or polyamorus relationships in my case, it allows for me to practice my relationships so that there is an open line of communication between myself and each of my partners, AND between all of my partners as well so that when challenges surface, and they do, everyone is part of the solution, and we make sure that everyone is voicing their needs so that we understand where the challenges are, and then work on ways to resolve them.

For me, relationships must be like family, and I have called this family which is not related by blood, my “heart family.” Others are not like this though, and don't care if their partners get along and communicate well. For me it is a must because only with open an honest communication on all sides can we behave like we are in a loving community, and reach out to help the others when they need it.

Now before I get back to talking about sex I will talk about love. I not only believe, but I know that I am a product of love, the love that my parents have for one another. I also believe; I myself am not love, neither do I own love, and love is something larger than everything. Love is everywhere in different ways, and it surrounds us, and moves through us. So I believe that love is something not solid but because it surrounds us we have the potential to share it with many people in our lives because love is unlimited potential. (for example) When a mother takes her child out on a happy winter day and they go tobogganing; with laughter, joy, care, and wanting to be there for that time and share with each other, the synergy of communication goes beyond words, and the love that surrounds mother and child is shared between them and the potential for sharing love goes up! In this way we will say that “love grows.”

I have felt this sharing of love in my past relationships that have ended good, not so good, and also badly. Even in the relationships that have ended badly, I know that I have shared love with that person and that they have with me as well, and neither of us can take that love from the other because it has already been shared. It was up to each of us to go our separate ways and to find someone to share love with again. The potential is there! It’s all around us! Love is everywhere and because it surrounds us it can be shared in many ways. If I meet a man, as I have met some of my friends in the past, I learn from them and they learn from me and we share a love of art, or theatre, or games, or sports, or hiking in the mountains, and by sharing this with each other, we share love of these activities (which are part of what makes us who we are) with each other, and we come to trust and love each other as brothers over time.

Love is not what they sing about in rock songs or country songs or blues songs! What those people are complaining and sad about is because they are experiencing the LOSS Of LOVE! When I break up with someone, for better or worse I lose the potential to share love with that person again. Perhaps in the future that may change, and the potential may come back, who knows? We all have to make our own decisions about what we have power over; and what we have power over is who, and how we share love with the people in our lives.

We all make mistakes; even in marriage, and we must be very gentle, and compassionate with ourselves. Though we may cry and hurt from the loss of that partner’s love for a long time, we must forgive ourselves and continue with our lives. Once we have forgiven ourselves, then we can heal from the experience and prepare our spirit and body to share love again. After a difficult break up we have a difficult time sharing love with our family, heart family and friends. It’s because we “wall ourselves in” so we can have time to be ‘quiet’ within our safe place so we can learn to forgive ourselves and heal. Our “heart family”, or partner, or family member (or all of them) can usually see this, but they love us unconditionally, and they wait patiently to help us prepare ourselves to share again.

I hope that when you read what I will write now about sex in my life, you will have a much better understanding about me and my personal definitions of love and sex because of the added context of relationships, and emotions I have written about so far.


Thank you for getting through all of that.


Back to the original question about sex. “What is sex for you, a man with three partners?” If we go back to the start of this monologue about sex, I was explaining that sex can be like a tool and as such can be used like a tool. As a tool sex can become for some people an ends to a means, or an escape; from fear of rejection, or from fear of wanting something more from a relationship, or from fear of many other emotional lesions that can plague a person.

If on the other hand we are able to state that we genuinely love ourselves for who we are, that we are able to forgive ourselves for out failings, that we commit to conquering the never ending challenges before us, and that we are capable of loving more than just ourselves; our love for ourselves and others can become unconditional. From this position of unconditional self-love and love of others, sex becomes an extension of expression; a catalyst to sharing a “growing love” for another person. In this way if sex can be thought of as an ‘enzyme’ which catalyzes the unlimited potential of love around us into a focused inlet for the love relationship, and the ‘fruit’ from the outlet of the love relationship will grow exponentially.

One romantic partner, three romantic partners, ten romantic partners, the ratios do not matter. What does matter is; the idea and inspiration behind love, the foundation of self-love and positive self-esteem, and after finding someone you inspire and who inspires you to share the love that surrounds you, that sex instead of becoming a tool where input(2) = output(2), sex becomes a catalyst for change and exponential growth of love sharing in your relationship(s), input(2) x (catalyst) = output(2) x (10x23).

I describe sex different than most people because I experience sex different than anyone else and we are all unique in our experience of sex. Sex as a catalyst (but not the only catalyst) for exponential growth of love in my relationships leaves me feeling blessed to such a great extent that I can’t express my giddiness to people. Sometimes I walk around with this silly grin on my face and I’m sure people think I am high. If they asked I would say “I am high, as ol’ Frank would say high on life!”








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NOW...

...more than ever, in the history of human society are we living lives of grand illusions. We are distracted by the constant bombardment of computer, radio, and television media trying desperately to $ell us lives of contentment, peace and happiness, all for a price that is. The contentment they offer is a need they pattern us into believing we can't do without, an elusive contentment. How much does this cost us; $50 here, $200 there, or what about that $3500 new television so we can be manipulated now in "High Definition"?

Peace, a peace we can not have unless we pay for it with bullets an bombs used to destroy other people's lives so that our peace is “secure”. How much does this cost? Why is there only one country in the world which puts Gross National Happiness above Gross National Product? How much does this cost? I want to know because this is a value system EVERY country in the world should want to develop.

Are you content with who you are and the effect you are having on the world around you? Where does your Gross Personal Happiness lie? Are your happiness and contentment bringing you peace? More than peace of mind, do they bring you to that place inside where your wells of lovelight pour out into the lives of the people you influence both daily, or once in your lifetime?

Illusions which we watch, play, or live in, benefit us when they contain within them a tool for teaching and learning. Beyond that they are mindless fluff created for the purpose of distraction, what the money making industry calls entertainment. We all have the opportunity in our lives to minimize our distractions, and spend more time building community, supporting the people around us, and in turn change the world.

The peek oil crisis is coming and our shortsighted governments have sold our resources and our economy to the lowest corporate interests. The future will be interesting times, and we must spend the lovelight inside us freely if we want love to become a currency of giving for our future.

Love and do, and we may make it through this crisis with better lives, sharing better values and goals with everyone.

Spirit Inertia (II of illuminated lamentations)

SpiritInertia gathers within everyone throughout our lives. It collects like a primordial meta ooze drop by drop with every experience shared, emotion born, in `yin times" and in "yang times". Most often it gathers very slowly, though there are times when the drips and drops become a trickle. I have not experienced it yet, but I believe that some of us have even experienced a stream form and flow, perhaps even a river to carry them somewhere almost unrecognizable to them before that occasion.

SpiritInertia is like all nature, when that last drop needed to make the next individual and intimate leap is added, we experience something unique and perspective changing. Our beings change, but in no way is the change irreversible. We have suddenly discovered a brightly lit path where there was previously only shadows, fog, and cold darkness. We can in the future experience something that for the long buried insecurities or new traumas throw us savagely backwards. We have something though, in those times of cold winter shadows that we did not have the first time we passed this way.

We have memories of those paths we took, and love can be the light to reveal those SpiritLandmarks for us. With outstretched hand we ask for help, courage in our breast and tear on our cheek love will find us and as our companion in faith smooth out the path for us to return to inspired places we experienced before.

Drips and drops, may your SpiritInertia gather within you as brightly as the countless stars they reflect. Shine bright, shine long and affect/infect the communities around you.



"You will always have a lucky star
That shines because of what you are
Even in the deepest dark
Because your aim is true
And if i could only have one wish
Darling, then it would be this
Love and happiness for you"

Love and Happiness Lyrics
Artist(Band): Mark Knopfler & Emmylou Harris
Album: All The Roadrunning

http://www.markknopfler.com/
http://www.emmylouharris.com/

Throbbings...

... in my head, throbbing from the open wound self-inflicted. an enthalpy sensed by the temperatic nerves beneath my atmospheric wrapper. My heart pumps ever onward though I sit here, still. This reaction of reflexively taking into me the air which fuels my corpus vivante by infusing its essential nutrients in the rivers of hemoglobin. Throbbing rivers transport vermilion life, and return deep violet death to be expelled. We are such delicate creatures, living on the balance of diversity in our gene pool. biological miracles of equilibrium.

Each of us born untouched by disease or chemical abuse are pure blood, pure miracle. all around our blue-green sphere we mingle, love share intimate communion, and continue the cycle of miracles. Miracles discounted, devalued, unceremoniously purchased and traded, even extinguished -- they have depreciated so.

The strings of my past lay tattered in places when my true vision failed to recognize the miracle before me. Open wounds, throbbing for attention, subliminally stroking the string, initiating the vibration of recognition and the slow process of healing. A note of love reaching inward prepares and mends the tattered wound until the vibration is recalibrated.

No small feat the recognition of our wounds, let alone the acceptance and motivation to love ourselves through the process of healing. From birth we are programmed to do and believe many things which cloud our true vision. Layers of illusion which accordion before us before we know it, our eyes focus only forward; transfixed by the "pretty pictures". too many pictures on each layer. too many layers which blind us into forgetting about our true vision. It becomes much easier to be given all of these false visions of the world to believe, than to do the work or invest the effort so as to build the skill of our true vision.

True vision has thus far been co-opted, snuffed out or simply allowed to fade away. True vision must be fostered from the beginning of life's breath. At home and in our schools we must teach these miracles to flourish, encourage them to spread their love of self to love those in their community, and give them opportunities to share their vision of the future as co-operative and productive members of society.